Thursday, October 24, 2013


I honestly do not have anything to say. Well, that's not exactly true. I have a variety of things I could talk about but my brain kind of feels like those egg yolks at the bottom of Rachel Leigh Cook's frying pan right now so complete sentences are not happening. Not because of drugs though. I just want to make that clear because the internet is famous for jumping to false conclusions. My inability to compile letters into a grammatical structure is simply because I work a standard 40-hour work week which will drain the ever loving life out of you. Pro tip: Stay in school FOREVER kids.

Anyway, I'm basically just writing to say hi to the three of you that occasionally read this horribly maintained blog. (1) Why do you still check in? 2) Don't ever say I can't identify my weaknesses.) So, hi. And I'm alive. Now who wants to make me accountable for actually blogging more than every six to nine months? No one? Fine, I guess Siri is going to have to man up and start doing her fucking job.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Weird Science: Sister Edition

So apparently my sister is jealous that I can wear skinny jeans. It's not that she CAN'T wear them. Fuck, she's skinnier than me. It's that she thinks her legs are too short and stumpy to pull off getting into this new fashionable (and I use the term loosely) form of sausage casing. Honestly, when my mother informed me of this I thought my sister was crazy. "Of course, she can wear skinny jeans," I thought. I mean, she has legs so it's kind of like 'duh.' I guess the main issue is that she's jealous that I have longer legs that aren't predominately thighs. Whatever. I'd gladly trade her my 'long' legs for her elongated torso. Fuck, self-criticism of the body is the worst, am I right ladies?

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

'Merica, maybe it's not as fucked as you thought

Wednesday, June 26, 2013. It's a day for the history books. Literally. It's a day that the American political system proved that the United States is not a lost cause even though I've had my suspicions for a while now. Two major things happened that proved that the people of the United States will not sit back and let important rights be stripped away from them all because a few others believe their religious beliefs should govern another's life. That'd be great if we lived in a theocracy.We don't though and I know that might come as a shock to some of you. We live in a nation governed by democracy and it is one that has been admired for its equal rights and opportunities for all as iterated by our Founding Fathers in the Constitution.

Yes, we are sometimes a little late to the party that others are already busy shaking their groove thing at. And yes, we've had to fight along the way to fix the omissions in our constitutional framework that were left by the previous mentioned Founding Fathers who, surprisingly, weren't perfect human beings. There was the fight to ensure that no matter your skin color no one could be considered another person's property. You might have heard of it and the guy named Lincoln who brought the fight to the forefront. Then there was the suffrage and civil rights movements. Gender discrimination. Equal pay. The list can go on. Of course, none of these successes have fixed everything and we continually have to introduce legislation to ensure rights are continuing to be protected. As such, there are still many battles to come with the continuing war on women and abortion, voting rights, same sex marriages in all fifty states, and many others; but the American people will keep fighting for what they know is right so that maybe one day we won't have to wonder if anyone in this country is equal. We'll know they are and our laws will show it.

So thank you Texas Senator Wendy Davis, her colleagues, and the people of Texas that stood up to fight for women's rights against Texas Senate Bill 5. You made this native Texan and woman proud last night despite the blatant and unscrupulous attempts of the Texas GOP to overthrow the rules of the legislative process. And to the SCOTUS? A HUGE thank you as well for upholding the belief that everyone has the same and equal right to marry (or divorce) whoever the fuck they want.

As for the GOP? Y'all might want to reconsider your life choices because bigotry isn't looking like the sexy political stance it once did, is it?

Thursday, December 20, 2012

I've gone mad and decided to recommend books on a monthly basis. Rejoice!

Bare (or is it bear? I don't know.) with me because this post is going to be a doozie. As you can see I've decided to resurrect this medium where I'll talk about tons of shit you probably don't care about. Why? Honestly, I have no idea but it sounded good the other day and I rolled with it. Thus here we are. I'll warn you a lot of these posts will probably be me being a complete sarcastic asshole about a variety of things. My asshole tendencies don't discriminate. Another thing this blog will contain is the occasional talk about books.

Being a librarian I read a shit ton of books so to keep up with trends and such but also just to entertain the fuck out of myself. In any case, I get asked a lot to recommend books to both to patrons and to friends which is fine because I like forcing my opinions on people and telling them what to do. Okay, that last part is only like 73% true. Still, when I decided to jump-start this blog again I figured having a monthly book recommendation page might kill two birds with one stone.

So, viola! Every month I will recommend five new books that I feel all you weirdos might enjoy. Past posts will be linked to on the Books page (tab up above dummy) just in case you come in late to the game or you don't listen to me right away. Please note that this is NOT a book review blog. Each suggestion will be accompanied with a blurb about why I'm suggesting it. That's it. I don't have the time or the energy to write up full book reviews of every book I read nor do I want to run full out book blogging site. I'm mostly here to ramble about stupid shit. If you'd like a book blog, I suggest my cousin Andrea's fantastic The Bookish Babe blog. Yay nepotism! (But really, she and her reviews are fabulous.)

Anyway without further ado here are my December recommendations and my favorite reads for 2012. See I told you this post will go on like The Neverending Story. Sorry, no Falkor included.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

You Give Love A Bad Name… Or At Least Valentine’s Day Did

So it’s that time of year again where there’s a mad rush to the Singles aisle of the grocery store in hopes of picking up a fresh and delectable mate or for those who wait till the last minute one who is mildly spoiled and slightly repellent in order to prepare for the biggest love fest of the year. Why of course I’m talking about Valentine’s Day. You all know the day. It’s the one where naked cherub baby cupids with wings fall from the sky to shoot arrows into people’s asses, heart shape boxes filled with candy become socially acceptable in this obese society, and your mother makes you behave all P.C. by making sure you give a valentine to the kids who you’d much rather punch in the face and steal their candy stash from. Seriously though, Valentine’s Day is overrated. Yeah I said it so hate me if you like.

Let’s get real for minute, shall we? There are 365 days in a year (this is a fact-shocking I know). Out of these 365 days American society has decided that it has become necessary to make ONE day, February 14, about showing your significant other-whether it be your dog, boyfriend, or blow up human doll- how much you love them with an array of gifts. Americans aren’t alone in practicing this ridiculous holiday- France, Canada, Britain, Australia, and Germany do to. Also did you know that Brazil celebrates Lovers Day (I much more prefer this name, don’t you? It’s so sexy) on June 12? Or that Japan celebrates it on BOTH February 14 and March 14? See men in America it could be worse. Do you really need a single day out of the year to tell your partner that you like them? I thought that was a given when you agreed to date them and you didn’t break up when they picked their nose or farted in front of you the first time.  If not, I’ve been playing the dating game wrong for a really long time.

The point is that there’s nothing wrong with celebrating Saint Valentine’s Day in the purest sense, but what the modern celebration has come to mean is utterly ridiculous. It does nothing but fill single folks with dread and self-worthlessness when honestly they’re FUCKING AWESOME for being strong enough not to settle for something subpar. On the other side of the pond (I feel British using phrases like that) couples have to deal with extremely high expectations created by one partner or the other. I would say it’s all the girl’s fault but let’s face it there are some prissy, high-maintenance boys out there who do the same thing. What do these expectations create? Disappointment, duh. No one can create a day that lives up to someone’s perfect idea of how things should go. (If you found a guy that actually does this you must tell me how you managed to pull Coach Taylor from Friday Night Lights into the real world.) Really Valentine’s Day should be called ‘Let’s Do Everything Possible to Ruin Today and Fuck Up Our Relationship Day’.

Do I expect my boyfriend of three years to produce candy and flowers from his ass to show me how much I mean to him on February 14 just because it’s expected? No because 1) I expect him to do that shit every day and 2) I definitely would not eat that candy. Honestly though I’d be shocked if my guy bought me flowers and a card or any other of that stereotypical stuff for Valentine’s Day this year. I might even become suspicious that he did something bad, very bad. Why? He must love me after 3 years (I’m pretty sure that’s a yes but you never know ;p) and wants to show it right? I don’t expect this kind of treatment because it’s not who he is and do I really expect him to change because it’s Valentine’s Day? Fuck no and that’s why I like him. Seriously the guy has bought me one bouquet of flowers our entire time together and that was in the first month of our relationship and the one time he did get me a V-Day gift it was stuffed turtle. Not a bear.  A green turtle and it was perfect and so is my dude. He’s not overly sentimental or affectionate and neither am I so it works for us. So what are our plans this year? Not a damn thing because it’s just another day to us which is how it should be for everyone else. One day should not have so much power over people’s psyche like Valentine’s Day does. It’s dumb. Does Valentine’s Day really validate your relationship or cement your status as forever single? Nope it does not. My solution to all this nonsense is to STOP FUCKING WORRYING ABOUT VALENTINE’S DAY. Just don’t celebrate it. Buy yourself flowers and candy because you deserve them. If you’re in an relationship you have an anniversary to celebrate which can act like your V-Day (unless you’re my sister and her guy whose anniversary is Valentine’s Day) no need to make single people depressed by going out to eat and shoveling food into your mouths on February 14 every year.

I understand the need to get dressed up and go out with your honey or aforementioned blow up doll so to ensure you can still indulge in these rituals I suggest worrying about St. Patrick’s Day. Everyone knows it’s by far the superior holiday. Hello, green beer, parades, and crazy Irish music! To me there’s no better day… except Halloween and my birthday. Also by skipping the B.S. of Valentine’s Day you can continue to prepare your liver for the massive amount of alcohol to be consumed on March 17 because seriously you need to prepare or you will die. The Irish don’t mess around with their beer-trust me, I know.  So bye-bye to you Valentine’s Day and your little cherub baby cupids who I’d like to drop kick back into heaven. We don’t need your over-commercialization and stupid expectations anymore; we have the leprechauns and their pots of gold now and they don’t judge me and my relationships.

Lastly if you're one of those girls or guys who gets upset because your partner didn't live up to your high expectations (I'm not talking about your basic dinner and a movie date) or they didn't buy you some gift/treat on February 14 I have one thing to say to you. STOP BEING A HIGH MAINTENANCE BITCH. The End.

P.S. As always I love to hear your thoughts so please leave comment below in the comments section. See you next post!